I want to like someone.  I want to like someone new.  I want someone to like me.  I want a romance, a love story.  I want my heart to stop hurting.  I want someone to make me realize that he is not the only guy out there.  I want someone to think that I am pretty, I want someone to think that I am funny, I want someone to like my crazy hair and my freckles, I want someone to love the color of my eyes and the sound of my voice, I want someone to live for the sound of my laugh, I want someone to hold me and to hold my hand and to be close to me and to kiss me and have long conversations with me. I want someone to go on adventures with me and to believe in me. I want someone who will catch me when I fall and will let me cry into their chest.  And I want to love them.  I want to love, love, love.  I want to understand.  I want a chance.  I want to stop waiting.  I want to love.  Please, dear God.  I am trying to be patient but I am only trying to love.  Where is he?  I can’t seem to find him anywhere and it feels like it is going to be years before I find him.  Please, lead me to him.  Lead me to you.  

I feel like since I have come home I have been doing two things: working and waiting.  Waiting until I have to work again.  Waiting for work to end.  Waiting for him to text me.  Waiting for someone else to come along.  Waiting for my heart to mend.  Waiting to not want him, to not love him anymore.  Waiting for the truth to break through, for everyone to say what none of us have dared speak of before now.  Waiting for paint to dry.  Waiting to laugh like I do when I am with them.  Waiting for it to be time to sleep.  Waiting for my eyes to finally give in and close.  Waiting to cry.  Waiting for the next fight.  Waiting for all these emotions to come bursting from my body like fireworks, creating a spectacular show for all those around but leaving me in pieces.  Waiting for something to happen.  Waiting for my prayers to be answered.  Waiting to leave.  Waiting to be carried away.  Waiting to feel like I am somewhere where I belong.  Waiting for a change.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  I don’t want to wait anymore.  I want to live.